I don't usually have a new year's resolution. On contrary I actually think of them as being really idiotic. Why wait for the coming celebration of the New Year to starting changing your life, why not start now? why have you not started yesterday? why wait for 365 days for a life changing decision only you can make.
Given that I have had a rough end of the year. I have been dumped by a girl that is pretty much impossible to understand (seriously), I have been feeling a sense of neglect from my job, and to top it all off our family has this invisible tension which only me and my sister are the only ones willing to do something about it.
Since my life changing decisions happens to coincide with the coming New Year, I feel this is a perfect time to make my first New Year's Resolution.
And what else would it be but "to get my life moving!" I remember when I started my work in my current office. I was excited that this would be a great stepping stone. I had dreams of doing this after a year, doing that after 2 years, Now look where I am? Still stuck with that job and I find myself trying to find the enthusiasm and passion that I had when I starting in the office in the first place. I find it very difficult to find that 'fire' that got me going. The 'fire' that is making me go "I don't really care much for overtime, I'm doing this as long as it is needed". I don't have that 'fire' anymore. And I'm constantly looking for it now.
I have however found my 'fire' elsewhere. Found it in myself, in improving my art, improving my body, improving my life in general. Then I realized that I lost my 'fire' when I starting courting that girl, the same girl that dumped with a reason of 'it just doesn't work' (even though we haven't even tried, and she's not willing to do so). I found that she was the distraction that got me forgetting what I was supposed to be doing. A distraction that made me forget what I aimed to do in the first place, to be a great artist.
I don't really hate her or angry at her. I just realized that she was the setback that happened. Creating art with a clear mind is much much more beneficial than with negative emotions. I know that now. To be honest I'm even thankful. She made me want to work for my health and stop smoking and start hitting the gym. I've lost about 17 kg because of her. and developed a habit for my exercise! Hooray!
Now I'm compensating for the time lost. Learned what I have from my experiences in the past year. And to never lose sight of what I really need for myself. I have so many things to do... I must never forget.
Happy New Year!
Only sketches for now, lots of things to do at work.
